I know the following "illness" is not possible, yet I feel like I am some sort of carrier for Erectile Dysfunction. Five of the last six guys I have blown went soft in the middle of it. At least two of them were kind enough to try to explain it wasn't my fault. And even though that is sweet, the odds are against me. Five of six is...83%. ( I googled that shit, as bad as I am at giving head, I am worse at getting math) Uh... it looks like I'm bad at blow jobs. The one of the six that did not go soft said "there is nothing wrong with your technique" So, it's them, right? Is ED really so prevalent? For one guy, it happened only once, and he admitted it was the sudden realization of who was pleasuring him. One was always drunk....another guy, no excuse, nor recognition of the problem. Most recent said he wasn't feeling great before it, and was concentrating on not feeling horrible. Then there is Mr. He blames stress, medication, age, multiple sclerosis (which he prob doesn't have) or any number of other things. He will not get it looked into. He can't even tell when he loses his erection. That can't be good. We are in the middle of sex. I am giving him my all....and he loses it. Gone... and he doesn't know. I don't know if that is ok or not. I don't think it is. The problem frustrates him... but he won't get it looked at. The problem used to scare me. It doesn't anymore. I don't have the energy for him and his ways anymore.
It is really hard to not feel like you are failing at something when you have negative reactions 83% of the time. And though I know the ability to blow someone to orgasm should not be the basis of my self esteem.... it sure doesn't help.
So the loss of Mr's erection in the middle of sex happened last night. This has happened countless times in the last two years. But last night... he lost it, and I asked, "did you seriously just lose your erection?" he said "Did I? I can never tell" he had. So disengaged the sex and laid next to him. I got up to pee and when I came back to bed, he got up, got dressed and went outside for a cigarette. I went to talk to him. I knew he was upset. But I had no words of comfort for him. He said he hardly knew who I was anymore. He said I was seeming out of control He is stressed to the max at work. He is really struggling with it. I said "And having a crazy wife isn't helping". He said "I was trying not to say that." well, if it's true, say it. Problems can not be solved if they are not talked about. Hold it all in and it will tear you apart. Tear us apart more than we already have been. But whatever. He hasn't been able to talk to me for 18 years. Why should he start now.
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